by Sophie Patel
Oh how your face became a blur
The more and more distant you were.
Oh how I tried so hard
To remember, your face, your smile, your laugh.
Oh how I sat in the corner of my room and cried
no sound just tears
So no one can hear.
“Why don’t you love me
like you are supposed to
And be here next to me”
My thoughts ages 8 to 16
This affected me.
Grades dropped
Fights stated
Friends I could not trust
Loss of concentration
Just craving for attention
This big grey Cloud above me
kept me in the dark
The Sun does not shine for me.
Oh how I had to break into my Dad’s briefcase
Just to see a picture of you.
I squeezed my hand through a gap
my hand began to bleed
I forgot your face, you became a blur
I was desperate to remember you!
Oh how I felt holding that picture of you
Words cannot describe,
But this big grey Cloud above me
Just won’t go away
The Sun does not shine for me
Instead it began to rain
Oh how I want to hear your voice
And be in your arms.
The smell of your Perfume,
I can smell no more,
You became even more of a blur.
Oh how I wish you were here
when I needed you the most
getting bullied by so called friends
and mosque teachers too,
they said;
because of who I am
Half Indian Half white
I won’t get anywhere in life
Or even be so much of a good Muslim.
Oh how I sat in the corner of my room and cried,
no sound just tears
so no one can hear
“Why don’t you love me
why doesn’t anyone like me
do you all have to be so mean”
those were my thoughts ages 11 to 16
this affected me
Oh how every night before I slept
I would make a prayer
I asked God to bring you back
and make sure you are ok
I would blow a kiss
and ask God to send it to you
so stupid it sounds I know
But I STILL LOVED YOU!
Age 16 I ran away to come look for you
Outside a house
waiting at the door
a voice I recognise
“Hello” she shouts and walks out
I could not catch my breath
In shock I was
SHE WAS HERE!
Shocked, Happy, Sad
Everything in one
I ran to her
and put my arms around her
“Why Mum? Why did you leave?”
Full of tears still in shock
I could not believe my eyes
God answered my prayer
My Mum, Finally!
As I walked in
A beautiful little blonde boy
“This is your brother, born 3rd of August”
same Birthday as Mine
I didn’t know what to feel
“She just didn’t want me”.
Oh how she explained
I now understand
She wanted me to have a better life.
She went through hurt and pain
every day for letting me go
“She did love me and always will”
My thoughts ages 16 to Present.
This big grey Cloud begins to fade
I see a part of the Sun
At last happy and free
The Sun does shine for me.